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                             The Swap   cont......

It was around half past nine on Saturday morning, while Jack was doing the washing up, that I finally broke the news to him. I decided it was best to come straight out with it and not beat about the bush. I told him that, on the whole, he'd been a rather uninspiring husband and that I wanted to own a dog instead. As I'd feared, he was resistant to the idea. Luckily, Elsie and me had predicted this might happen and so plans had been made to counter the problem. I told him he would be getting no more meals in this house and that if he wanted to eat he would have to go round to Elsie's.
Jack remained awkward until almost one o'clock that afternoon but, eventually, his hunger got the better of him. I made sure that he took his cases with him as well, to drive home to him just how serious we were about it. I also gave him a pair of smart black shoes to give to Elsie. I'd been saving those for Jack's funeral, but of course, that'll now be Elsie's responsibility, when the time comes. Well, as we both take the same size, I thought it was the least I could do. There was always the fear, of course, that Jack would try and wriggle out of the arrangements, by eating in a café or pub. So Elsie very sensibly confiscated his dentures. That way he would have to return to her house for his meals. She told me later he put up quite a struggle and she practically had to yank them out of his mouth. I don't envy her in the future if that's the sort of rebellious behaviour she'll have to put up with.
    It's been nearly a couple of months now since we made the swap. All in all, things have worked out nicely. For the first week or so Jack still used to keep coming round here even though I'd taken the precaution of confiscating all his door keys. He used to shout through the letterbox. I got quite fed up with it, especially if Coronation Street was on. In the end I had to threaten him with Sidney. That seemed to do the trick. I didn't really like the idea of setting a bull terrier on somebody who I've been married to for over forty-five years, but I would have done if he hadn't stopped. Anyway, he seems to have settled down nicely at Elsie's now. She buys Battenberg cake from the Co-op and Jack has always enjoyed a nice slice of that. They're even planning a little holiday in Bognor Regis together next year. As for me, I couldn't be happier with Sidney. He's the pet I've always wanted. Yes, things have turned out all right.

End.

                                                                                 Chris Shaw