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A Bessie Bickerdyke Monologue                                                             Chris Shaw

I went on a daytrip Skegness not long back. When the coach picked up at Pond Street a few more people got on including this couple who sat across from me. I didn't really pay them that much attention to be honest, just a quick "good morning" as they sat down. I'd say they were both in their 60s. Anyway after about ten minutes she leans over to me. I could see she had a bag of 'Foxes Glacier Fruits' and was going to offer me one. I would have declined as I'm not struck on boiled sweets especially that early in the day. Anyway, she leans over and says "what do you think of my husband"? Well to be honest I was a bit taken aback by this. "I'm not sure", I said, "I've only just met you both. But she wouldn't let it lie at that. "I know", she says "but we've been on this coach about ten minutes now, you must have gained some impression of him". So I had a better look at him. He wasn't paying any attention himself but just staring out of the window. He was a shortish bloke probably about 5ft 5" I would say dress casually in slacks and a cream colored jacket. He had a flat cap on when they got on the coach but had since taken it off. He had a good head of hair but it was going rather grey. Anyway, before I could answer she says "would you say he's a bit shifty looking and not entirely to be trusted"? So I had another look at him and said "yes, I think that would be a fair description". Then she says, "Would you say he was a bit short of stature, not too much but a bit and that he wasn't as natty a dresser as he could be"? So I thought for a second or so and said "yes, I think I would". Then she says, "Would you say he's a bit boring and limited in his conversation"? I said that I didn't think I could tell that just yet. She then asks if he looks the sort who is reasonably useful at doing little jobs around the house despite being a bit boring. Again I said it was hard for me to tell on this point. She went a bit quiet after that and by now he was reading the Daily Express. I did get talking to both of them a bit later on in the journey. Apparently the husband's called Morris and she's Norma.
I saw them again later in the day. It was quite late on and not that long before we were due to get back on the coach. They were in this cafe near the front. She was talking to one of the waitresses. I only saw them through the window and couldn't hear a word she was saying but it was obvious never-the-less. She was quite obviously asking the girl the same sort of things she had been asking me earlier on, and it was clear that the girl had no idea what to say to her.
On the way back we had a quick ten minute toilet stop and most people got off the coach. Just as we were all getting back on she starts again, this time with this woman who was sat further back. She was about the same age as them and she, Norma, starts asking her. "What do you think of my husband"? she says. This woman just has a quick look at him for a couple of seconds and says "not much", and then get back on the coach. I thought, 'Aye, you speak your mind don't you love, you speak your mind'.
I didn't really give them much more thought again after that trip. Then a few weeks later I was in town one Tuesday. I was walking past the town Hall where all the buses stop and I saw them again. They were getting on this bus arguing with the driver

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